shape your culture

panza llena, corazón contento

2011-11-13T23:11:00.004-06:00

Several years ago, I spent a summer in Mexico living with my aunt and uncle. I was trying to master the Spanish language and to get to know my Mexican family better. After every meal, my Tío Toño would always say, "Panza llena; corazón contento." This roughly translates to: "full stomach, happy heart." Tonight I realized that it isn't just the eating that makes his heart happy; it's the act of bringing la familia (more than just relatives) together and conviviendo (sharing life).

Tonight, Mission Adelante launched three different house churches. My group had the privilege of meeting in the home of one of the Latina moms who is relatively new in her faith. Her 11 year old son has a sweet and joyful heart and is one of my favorite kids to hang out with at LIT (Leaders in Training, Mission Adelante's after-school program).

This evening, for the first time since that summer I spent with my tío, I tasted the sweetness of what sharing life could look like in my neighborhood, in my life. My senses were awakened; the room was full of laughter, spices, color, and warmth. Everyone who came had a chance to speak and contribute; everyone brought something to the table (literally). We worshipped together and dug into the Word together. I felt alive again. We were doing church, being the church, and it had nothing to do with a program or a building.

2011-10-22T11:37:00.004-05:00

Sometimes I get frustrated with my life, feeling like I've settled for an existence that is rather boring. I struggle to get out of bed in the morning to go do work that should be meaningful. I delay going to sleep at night because it feels like I can momentarily forget the inevitability of repeating the cycle again in the morning.

I admit that I do crave excitement which is harder and harder to find in this culture of overstimulation. But somewhere deep inside me, there is a longing for the simple, the most basic elements of life. I want to be satisfied with less. To find more value in the relational (Jesus & others) and less in the material (everything else).

How can I return to that simple life?

"I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do all this through him who gives me strength."

Philippians 4:12, 13

small victories

2011-06-17T12:13:00.014-05:00

Little Sis proudly holding up her "Future E.R. Nurse" award after completing Nurse Academy

M & G holding up the library's summer reading program books & bags

These last six months have been draining and disappointing. I had to let go of my expectations and place everything--and everyone--in God's hands. I so badly want to be following God's will for my life but in my own way. I have been so focused on seeing big results that I almost missed the small victories that are evidence of God's great story and plan at work.

So let me pause to celebrate a couple moments that remind me of how good God has been and how far we have all come.

I may been disappointed that my Little Sis did not work as hard as I worked in high school, but I am so grateful that she had the opportunity to be one of only 45 students accepted at KUMed's Nurse Academy. Furthermore, she was one of the only high school students present as well as one of the only Latina students!

It is possible that M & G did not pass sixth grade (still waiting to find out), but they did get excited about reading and about getting their own library cards!

I am so proud of these girls and blessed to be allowed to be a part of their lives.

insatiable

2011-05-29T23:40:00.002-05:00

When I was a child, I remember asking my mom why I kept walking around the kitchen aimlessly—I wasn’t hungry or thirsty, yet I kept opening and closing the refrigerator and the pantry. My mom told me that it was a spiritual hunger and thirst; my soul was longing for nourishment.

Tonight, probabably 15 years later, I remember my mom’s words.

2011-04-19T23:43:00.005-05:00

"There is one mission, and it's God's mission. God's mission is God's glory. He has chosen to reveal his glory through the church. Everyone who is a part of God's church is called to spread God's glory. Our mission is the same as God's: his glory in the earth. The question is not 'Are you called?' but 'Where are you called?'"

--Floyd McClung, You See Bones, I See An Army

2011-03-14T23:54:00.001-05:00

"Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up."

--Galatians 6:9

delighted to share my life

2011-03-07T22:39:00.015-06:00

"We loved you so much that we were delighted to share with you not only the gospel of God but our lives as well, because you had become so dear to us."

--1 Thessalonians 2:8

M, G, and I posing in front of the fashion show sign on Friday

Little Sis and me being silly and indulging in gelato & coffee, respectively

Spending time with these girls is so much more than a commitment, a program, or even an activity. It's sharing my life with them: taking them to watch my brother model in a fashion show, showing her where I worked my first job, buying Cheddar Jalapeño Cheetos every time I go to Price Chopper, looking up college scholarships in my free time...

It's time-consuming, unstructured, and messy. It's learning to put them before myself while remembering that they are still kids. It's taking comfort in the fact that I can only do so much because God can do so much more.

Thank You, Jesus, for the sweet privilege that it is to have a role in these girls' lives. May I not take this responsibility lightly.

2011-02-21T21:44:00.005-06:00

“Yet if we are to preach that God is not only involved in the big matters of salvation, redemption and justice, but is also in the routine circumstances of daily life, then we need to show an interest in the ordinary events of people’s lives. People will watch what we do before they listen to what we say.”

-Adam S. McHugh

2011-02-13T21:46:00.001-06:00

What a weekend so full of love. Heart-shaped cookies, homework parties, girl time, Bible games about Love, snow melting, carne asada, hablando con mi primo en messenger, feeling more Mexicana than ever.

2011-01-31T00:31:00.002-06:00

Today was hard. Working on a Sunday is not something that I would like to continue doing on a regular basis. The office was quiet and lonely and I felt the weight of my families’ burdens. So many people who are hurting!

I do not pray for them nearly enough. It seems so overwhelming to mention each one by name and too impersonal to pray for them as a group. So pray with me for a few of them?

Lord, please be with L as she and her daughter seek refuge from the violence in their own home. I also lift up L2 who seems beyond saving, but nothing is beyond Your reach, O Lord. Please lift up V’s head while she’s going through the most difficult month in her life.

2011-01-16T21:39:00.004-06:00

“When, because of your faith, your life too becomes perceptibly different; when your reactions are quite opposite to what the situation seems to call for and your activities can no longer be explained in terms of your personality; that is when your neighborhood will sit up and take notice. In the eyes of the world, it is not our relationship with Jesus Christ that counts; it is our resemblance to Him!”

—Ray Steadman, The Queen and I
(quoted by Beth Moore in my Esther study)

amazed at the gift of life on a cold winter's night

2010-12-21T22:00:00.005-06:00

Did you notice that he's a "Special Holiday Delivery"?

He was born on Monday, December 20th at 11:40pm. A happy and healthy baby! I got the call from my Little Sister the next morning and went to the hospital to visit that afternoon. I felt so special to be included...the only two other people in the room at the time were her best friend and her boyfriend. And then I got to hold him...it was the first time I've ever held a newborn! Words can't describe the feeling...

2010-12-11T21:30:00.005-06:00

I was looking at my profile from a site I haven’t used in two years, and I was just floored by how blessed I am today.

“Passion for Jesus, Compassion for People.”

Currently studying in DC, but the whole world awaits me. In the future, I hope to visit Italy, live in Buenos Aires and serve Latin America in general.

No puedo vivir sin ayudar a los que no tengan los mismos recursos. Es mi pasión y mi misión en la vida, y espero encontrar un trabajo que me deja hacerlo con todo mi corazón. [I can’t live without helping those who don’t have the same resources I do. It’s my passion and my mission in life, and I hope to find a job that allows me to do that with all my heart.]

Visit Italy? Check! My dad and I traveled to Venice and Florence last summer and I got to practice my six semesters of Italian study in person.

Serve Latin America? Check! God has given me a job where I have the daily privilige to serve Latinos in my neighborhood.

So blessed. :)

finally

2010-12-10T21:27:00.004-06:00

Had an amazing evening at F’s junior high holiday concert. I think it was nice for his mom to not have to go alone, since her husband hasn't been around for a while.

There is something so exciting about being in a packed room full of beautiful faces, where I happen to be the minority. I felt so proud to be counted among the family and friends of this community. I finally felt connected. Finally.

2010-12-07T21:26:00.001-06:00

Staying up way too late making Christmas cards for the kids & volunteers

2010-11-27T21:25:00.003-06:00

“Many times God gives us a victory that requires blood, sweat, and tears. Why? Because He is practical. When He can bring about a victory and strengthen and mature us all at the same time, He’s likely to do it!”

--Beth Moore, in David: 90 Days with a Heart Like His

if I want to be Your disciple, I must…

2010-11-12T21:21:00.002-06:00

—remain in You and Your words in me (John 15:7-8)
—hold to Your teaching (John 8:31)
—love one another as You have loved me (John 13:34-35)
—carry my cross and follow You (Luke 14:27)
—give up everything (Luke 14:33)

adapted from The Lost Art of Disciple Making by LeRoy Eims

peace

2010-11-05T21:12:00.003-05:00

Conception Abbey

2010-11-03T21:13:00.002-05:00

I am taking off from work today to return to this sacred place that I visited one year ago. I am turning off my cell phone and leaving my computer behind.

2010-10-31T21:14:00.002-05:00

"Sometimes God uses the winds of a new threat to blow the dust off a past miracle that has moved from our active file into the archives. Remember, Beloved! Remember what God has done for you! Rehearse the story again. "

--Beth Moore

"if we are always comfortable,

2010-10-11T21:08:00.004-05:00

our faith grows stagnant."

--Adam S. McHugh

photo highlights from august & september!

2010-10-05T09:31:00.006-05:00

Labor Day weekend: I went out to Sacramento/Santa Rosa for my cousin's wedding. Horacio is one of the cousins I'm closer to on my mom's side (out of the 36 cousins). He's the one who came to my college graduation and my brother Michael's high school graduation. In this pic, I'm about to read 1 John 4:7-19 in Spanish! (this was funny because my cousin, Javi, read this in English even though he grew up speaking Spanish)

Because my work is awesome and gave everyone a free week of vacation for meeting our fundraising goal, I took off straight from Cali to visit my good old friends in Arizona. It was a great week of relaxing, going to the lake, hiking in Sedona, going spelunking for the first time ever, and hiking a bit of the Grand Canyon (pictured above). I've been friends with Lauren and Vicki since 2nd grade!

The very next weekend, Lauren flew out to KC for something that fell through, so she ended up spending most of the weekend with me, even though we had just spent the previous week together in AZ. Photo: we are eating breakfast together on the Plaza.

The following weekend my roommate and I finally hosted our Housewarming Fiesta, only four months after we had moved in! We had some really crazy weather, so it was not as well attended as we had hoped, but at least we finished decorating our home!

Kansas and Missouri are looking beautiful and the weather is getting crisp. I've been obsessed with all things autumn, so I convinced my brother, Joseph, to come do a corn maze with me a couple weekends ago. It was pretty amazing!

Last week I had the wonderful opportunity to take these lovely ladies that I tutor to their first ever Royals' game. We didn't really care about the baseball being played and instead talked about which players were cute and took a bunch of silly pictures.

On Saturday, I spent the whole day with my Little Sister. We made a pizza from scratch (the first time either of us had done this), baked chocolate chip pumpkin muffins (picture above), and watched the Princess Diaries. We also had some great conversations about love, her pregnancy, and even faith. I love her!

2010-10-04T21:02:00.002-05:00

Just found out that one of my favorite girls I tutor had her uncle murdered on Saturday.

Oh, God of comfort, be near to them.

these kids are the reason why...

2010-09-13T23:22:00.001-05:00

...I love "back to school" time. Today was the first day of the fall trimester for LIT (Leaders in Training), the after-school program that I volunteer with. This is the same program that served as the catalyst for me "moving to the neighborhood."

At LIT, the kids arrive and get a chance to eat a healthy meal while we catch up with them about their day. We then spend about 30 minutes for recreation so that we can get that out of their systems. They then split up and go with their respective groups to study math, language arts, or get homework help. At the end of the day, we circle up and usually share encouraging things we've noticed about others in the group. We close in prayer--nothing moves me more than when these children talk to God.

meet my little sister

2010-08-22T23:02:00.004-05:00

Now, I want you to meet my Little Sister. We are matched through Big Brothers Big Sisters' partnership with Kauffman Scholars. (Kauffman Scholars is program in KC that finds low-income, hard-working kids in the urban school districts and will give them a full-ride scholarship to any college that they get in to and choose to attend!) She is 16 years old and just started her junior year of high school.

I chose her because she's the oldest of four kids and had her sights set on Harvard. This reminded me of me at her age. But when I went to meet her in the beginning of July, I realized things would be much different than I anticipated...

She is pregnant and due at Christmas. I was/am definitely not prepared for this but I will not give up on meeting with her and being her friend during this difficult time.

at the KC Ethnic Festival

love my bros

2010-08-16T01:44:00.004-05:00

I got to hang out with both of my brothers on Friday night. We stayed up talking and reminiscing about younger years. We even went out for a fourth meal at Taco Bell around 2am. (Why we sometimes stoop to eating that garbage when we're half Mexican is even a mystery to me...) I am so blessed to be such good friends with my brothers.

2010-07-17T20:59:00.002-05:00

Even though I’m just sitting at the good ol’ computer and looking at Tumblr, I feel very aware of my existence and of the world around me.

I’m crying for the innocence stolen from children who’ve done no wrong.

I’m feeling powerless in the face of a world full of suffering.

I’m feeling so exhausted even though I’ve done so little.

Oh, God, won’t You give me more time to spend on the things that matter? Won’t You be my strength?

Because I cannot even fathom doing this alone.

2010-07-13T13:59:00.000-05:00

downtown kansas city, while driving home the other night

2010-05-22T00:02:00.003-05:00

Today is the day. I’m moving from my family’s comfortable suburban home to my own place in the predominantly Hispanic urban ghetto. And I couldn’t be more excited.

Jesus, this is for You.

2010-05-15T20:50:00.001-05:00

My dad and I went driving around my future neighborhood today. We stopped by a restaurant I had heard had the “best Mexican food in all of Kansas City”. All the Latinos stared at us for a moment, which I took to be a good sign. Maybe I’ll become a regular soon.

2010-05-07T20:50:00.004-05:00

"Jesus did not come to set up a program but modeled a way of living that incarnated the reign of God, a community in which people are reconciled and our debts are forgiven just as we forgive our debtors. That reign did not spread through establishments or structural systems. It spread like disease-through touch, through breath, through life. It spread through people infected by love."

--Shane Claiborne

2010-04-25T20:26:00.002-05:00

"Be at rest once more, O my soul, for the Lord has been good to you."

--Psalm 116:7

2010-04-14T20:23:00.003-05:00

"Again and again, the law and the prophets testify to the economic implications of submitting to Yahweh. Scripture is clear that the fruit of knowing Him and believing that He is good can be measured by openhandedness toward those in need, intolerance toward oppression, a welcoming spirit toward the wandering alien and readiness to obey Him even at great personal cost. These are outward signs that indicate an inward turning and a posture of meekness."

--Scott Bessenecker, How to Inherit the Earth

2010-04-09T20:19:00.002-05:00

my beautiful Mommy holding the two dozen roses that my dad bought for her birthday

inquieta

2010-04-09T20:13:00.002-05:00

oh, restless soul
breathe deep for you know
the Lord is moving

oh, soul of mine
take comfort
for the Lord will bring peace

oh, desperate soul
remember His goodness
for it never fails

oh, stubborn soul
lay down your pride
and give praise to His Name

2010-04-08T20:10:00.003-05:00

so blessed to be a part of something bigger than myself

2010-03-25T20:07:00.003-05:00

"When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left, and could say,
'I used everything you gave me.'"

--Erma Bombeck

2010-03-17T19:40:00.008-05:00

What a wonderful day…

These kids loved my car because it has a sunroof. They were amazed by the elevator that went up 18 floors and looked over downtown. And they loved piling into the old-fashioned photo booth hidden at the back of the restaurant.

2010-03-08T19:33:00.006-06:00

"The relentless pursuit of safety leads to uncharitable hearts, for we fear letting go of the goods that might protect us against an uncertain future. In the name of security we refuse to love our enemies, because we assume that if we do not answer violence with violence, we will be forever victimized. Because we wish to be careful, we do not open our lives to strangers, fearing that they will take advantage of our hospitality. It is fear that constricts our hearts and thus fear that makes Jesus’s ethic of risky discipleship crazy, unrealistic, and irresponsible. Yet the "virtues" of the ethic of safety — suspicion, preemption, and accumulation — turn out to be but "splendid vices" [St. Augustine’s description of Roman virtues]."

—Scott Bader-Saye, Following Jesus in a Culture of Fear

2010-03-08T19:23:00.006-06:00

"Lord, does it honor You when I take even one small step not knowing where I go, except that I am following You? I ask no blazing path of miracles to lead me on. In the dark, knowing You are both ahead and close behind is light enough for me."

-Nancy Spielgelberg

all about perspective

2010-02-22T23:29:00.002-06:00

Tonight at church I was reminded about what it feels like to be alive. It’s all about perspective.

Even though the roads were icy, I focused on the fact that I only live 5 minutes away from the new building.

Even though I was assigned to do childcare on an all-worship evening, I focused on the fact that I could actually help out the parents who want to worship with the church community.

Even though my partner didn’t show up to help with childcare, I focused on how sweet the children were and how amazing it was to hang out with them for a bit.

It turned out that because the roads were icy, the children left early, so I was actually able to catch half of the all-worship service anyway. I then ran into a kindred spirit and we spent a long time talking about our desires to be out of debt vs. moving sooner into the heart of “Little Mexico”. I was then able to use this conversation to encourage a friend over the phone about God’s timing. Finally, I had the opportunity to go out to eat with a nice small (love this!) group of church folks and get to know some of the people behind the faces I just recognize every week.

It’s crazy to think back to how much I was dreading driving in the gross/icy weather…worked out nicely, right?

2010-02-19T19:19:00.005-06:00

"No, this is the kind of fasting I want: Free those who are wrongly imprisoned; lighten the burden of those who work for you. Let the oppressed go free, and remove the chains that bind people. Share your food with the hungry, and give shelter to the homeless. Give clothes to those who need them, and do not hide from relatives who need your help."

Isaiah 58:6-7, NLT

all or nothing

2010-02-15T22:54:00.006-06:00

I am a passionate person. If I commit to doing something, I will do it whole-heartedly. I will give every ounce of energy I have to do the best that I can do with the given situation.

I have recently committed to spending 2.5 hours a week with a great group of kids. Just 2.5 hours. During these 2.5 hours, I try to make myself completely available. But when the time is up, I struggle to walk out the door and leave the neighborhood behind.

These kids have my heart and they don't even know it.

"shape your culture"

2010-02-09T18:40:00.007-06:00

Hello.

I have had a couple travel blogs in the past, and I've been a loyal follower of some beautiful blogs for the past year or so. I've even tried to start a couple blogs in the past year, always beginning quickly and ending in the same manner.

In case anyone ever wants to know, the name of my blog came from a quote that is very important to me at this time in my life:

In Don't Waste Your Life, John Piper says:

"let your radically Christian, God-enthralled, Christ-treasuring,
giving-oriented life engage and shape your culture."