Excerpts from my journal
March 28th, 2004
I really need help deciding what do regarding college and/or missions. I need to make an official decision within the next month. Please give me wisdom to make the correct decision--what You want in my life.
March 29, 2004
I give everything to You. My worries about college, AP tests, scholarships, prom, Mom's health, [guy], friends...EVERYTHING!!! Please remove all this stress from my shoulders--I cannot bear it anymore! I need You to take it off of me! Take it away! Lord, I cannot do this--I am so happy that I can finally say that.
Thank You for allowing me to be accepted to Georgetown University...I feel very honored. :) Really it does boost my self-esteem majorly though. Despite my not-so-perfect test scores, they accepted me! Out of 14,800 applicants, they only accepted 1,500--and I was one.
Jesus, I now have one month to decide about college. Please help me decide and show me what decision You want.
March 31, 2004
This evening was exactly what I had been needing for a long time. I suddenly felt at peace--it's not that I was denying my problems and/or worries, it is just that they didn't matter anymore. I don't have to carry the burden. It is so wonderful to finally experience that. I also finally didn't care what people thought about me. I got rid of all the crud I had been holding on to and the façade I had made my own.
Jesus, I am such a screwed up person. But You love me and DIED for me anyway...You MUST be true goodness if You would die for a messed up person like me. I really understood that for the first time this evening.
Jesus, I give You today and all of me because that is all I have to give. And that is how it should be. I have no control over what happens, so why not give all my strength and controlling attempts to You?