Sunday, February 22, 2015

journal from six months ago - back home from the hospital

excerpt from journal, six months ago (Saturday, August 23rd, 2014 @ 2:15pm - back @ parents' home in Olathe, KS - NOT KUMed!):
"Wow, well that was a crazy blur. Never in a million years could I have imagined that this would happen to me. But I did just survive brain surgery. And I'm on the road to recovery...I'm not sure what this will look like (I'm still not even sure if the tumor was malignant / benign...)
So, as the sign for my 'after pic' said: Thank You, Jesus! I survived the surgery, can walk, have 95% less tumor in my head, and still have a life full of possibilities before me. And I know that You've already used this situation to glorify Your name - [friend] already said that she has been able to experience You in ways that she hadn't before - my trials/suffering this week/summer would be worth it just for her! I can't even begin to fathom what type of ripple effect this could have upon others...
Lord, I did also want to specifically thank You for showing me how much You care about me by the little details - the fact that my good friend's mother could pull the strings to have the Chief of Neurosurgery lead the operation; the fact that before the surgery Dr. Camarata asked me about Bishop Ward High School (and I got so excited!) - only You, God, could have known how to get me excited in such a way before brain surgery.
Lord, I know that I've been angry and irritable since the surgery - please help me. Please help me to be kind and gracious and thankful - I don't want to permanently damage any relationships during this time. I don't know how I'm going to handle [family] getting here today, but as I professed before the surgery, I believe You will continue to give me the grace that I need in each moment.
Lord, thank You. I'm sorry for the fears/lies that I've held on to - here is a definite opportunity for breakthrough - please don't let me miss it. I'm sorry for the doubts/uncertainty that came out after the surgery. I guess these didn't come as a surprise to You, but please increase my faith (I guess I need to be more careful about praying that prayer, haha)."
[Today: Thank You, Jesus, for not letting me miss that opportunity for breakthrough!]

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