Tuesday, March 10, 2015

six months ago - fear and peace

Excerpt from my journal, six months ago (Tuesday, September 9th, 2014; 8:29am; Olathe, KS):

"Lord, I'm afraid. I am meeting with the neuro-oncologist this morning to discuss the type of tumor that I had removed and possibly further treatment (chemotherapy, radiation, MRIs, etc.)

I actually felt better overall yesterday for the first time that I've noticed since the surgery. I guess it helps that I had a few decent nights of sleep in a row. Maybe it's because I actually spent some time in Your Word yesterday or because I had something to look forward to (going to pick up stuff from my home in KCK). Whatever the reason, thank You! I had been feeling bitter and resentful of all the cards that said 'I hope you're feeling better and better each day.' I know that everyone says that I've made incredible progress, but I don't necessarily see it.

Lord, please give me Your peace today. Please give me Your peace that surpasses all understanding. Please give me ears to hear and understand all the information that will be given to me this morning. Please give my parents and me discernment as we hear about treatment options - help us ask good questions.

Lord, You have promised to give me perfect peace when I keep my mind stayed on You. Well, I am choosing to focus on You, and I accept the gift of peace. I refuse to partner with fear, anxiety, and worry.

[This appointment went well. It was still too early to tell how successful the surgery was. We scheduled my next MRI for three months later to check for tumor re-growth. 

I'm so grateful for recovery and progress. I can sleep well after six months of not being able to. I wake up each morning excited for a new day.]

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