Excerpt from my journal, six months ago [Sunday, September 14th, 2014; Olathe, KS 11:20am]:
"Lord, I just finally took the time to listen to the sermon from August 17th at Redeemer about Psalm 90 and the difference between calling and a job. Cara had recommended that I listen to this since I had been talking about how much I loved my job at Donnelly. I think back to the moment that I broke down crying with [the doctor] when told me I was asking the wrong question (when can I return to work?). I needed to get better first.
How dense can I be? I'm restless during these weeks of recovery because I feel like I'm wasting my time. I feel like I need to be working. What is wrong with me? This spring I thought I was finally getting the message that my worth and value is not in my work or in any of my accomplishments.
Lord, please guide me during this time of uncertainty as I try to figure out when/if I can return to Donnelly (part-time/full-time/benefits?) and please, in Your infinite grace and mercy, keep reminding me that work (my job) is not my life. Please help me not to waste this time. Help me figure out a good way to be in the Word without straining my eyes. [my vision was still blurry at this point]
Lord, please help me to rise above my emotions and to not allow depression or discouragement to keep me from moving and recovering."
I was able to return to work part-time one month later, on October 13th. I was back full-time on December 1st!
Today, I'm grateful for a great job with an amazing work family; 20/15 vision (!!!); and another day forward in the journey of recovery.