Saturday, April 4, 2015

moving back home [six months ago]

excerpts from my journal, six months ago
Saturday, October 4th, 2014; 8:24am
Olathe, KS

"Lord, thank You. I can't say it enough. I know that this season or trial isn't necessarily over, but I feel great, and I'm so excited to have this chance to start over. There were so many times this summer and even right after surgery that I didn't think that I had the endurance to make it any longer. I was so tired and fed up with feeling terrible. I had lost hope. Many days blurred together, and it felt like the struggle would never end. But You were always there for me.

I have been so blessed to be able to live with my parents for four months. I was frustrated, while journaling, to not be able to write that I was back in KCK. It was so hard for me to not know when this could be a possibility. I had to wait and see how things would go. I was so tired of waiting (even of 'resting'). But the time has arrived. I move back to KCK today. I have no idea what the future holds, but I choose to trust You. You will continue to be my strength, and You will continue to give me the grace to make it through each day.

Please help me not to lose sight of You and Your faithfulness during this time. Please help me to not be terribly disappointed when situations do not meet my expectations. Help me have grace for myself when I 'mess up' or do not accomplish everything that I wanted to. [...]"

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