Sunday, April 12, 2015

preparing to return to work [six months ago]

journal entry from six months ago

Sunday, October 12th, 2014
home in KCK

"Lord, thank You for bringing me to this point. I spent so much time worrying about health insurance, having a job, going crazy without working, etc. Now it's been 8 weeks since my surgery, and I'm going back to work tomorrow. Those first moments after surgery at my parents' house felt like they would never end --I do not have the strength to make it through, but You were my strength. Even on those incredibly difficult mornings when I didn't want to get out of bed.

I'm nervous about tomorrow (how people will look at me, what questions they will ask me, etc.). Thankfully, I am no longer scared about over-working. I am still Kathleen, but I am the new, improved Kathleen. Jesus, You are (still) my first priority. My health is my second priority, including healthy boundaries. My relationships (family, friends, community) come next. My worth is not based on my accomplishments, or how I perform at work. My worth is in the price that You paid on the cross. My victory is in You.

Please give me discernment tomorrow and in the coming days -- how to answer people's questions, how to keep some details to myself, how to integrate my role into a part-time schedule.

As I look ahead, I feel fear. Fear of failure, exhaustion, depression...But Your perfect love casts out all fear. The future is not guaranteed, so I will just do my best to draw near to You each day and to bring You glory, one day at a time."

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