My 6th Surgiversary

We've finally made it to the last quarter of the year! Can you believe it? I don't know about you, but some of these past months have seemed to last longer than usual, ha. 

This last month has been full of contemplation and gratitude. On August 18th, I celebrated my 6th “surgiversary;” that is, the 6th anniversary of my first brain surgery. Last year (for my 5th surgiversary), I made a point to return to the hospital and to recreate my photos from when I was released after my surgery in 2014. This year I was content to just take a moment to thank God for how far He has carried me in this journey. It would be impossible for me to describe these six years, so I'll just share some of the things I experienced as well as some of the lessons I've learned.

Some of the things I've experienced: a day that began at the eye doctor for blurry vision and ended in the ER with concern for my brain; 46 staples on my scalp; a spinal tap with a headache that required the follow-up "blood patch" procedure; multiple seizures; eight months needing to ask for rides without being allowed to drive; a trip to Houston for a 2nd medical opinion; an extremely successful GoFundMe campaign; a second surgery; 33 rounds of radiation to the brain; sudden loss of a third of the hair on my head; 18 months of wearing hats every day; 12 months of chemotherapy; 12 weekends spent in bed with chemo exhaustion; and I've lost count of the number of brain MRIs. 

Wow! And that was the short list...

Some lessons I learned: Recovery is messy and not linear; it’s hard work! A good night’s sleep can often completely change your outlook on life. Every morning is a chance to begin again ("His mercies are new every morning..."). Even when everything seems challenging, it’s essential to find reasons to celebrate. We cannot control our circumstances, but we can choose our response to each situation. We are created to live in community. Most people are happy to help; we just need to be willing to ask. While an illness/diagnosis/hardship may tell part of your story, only Jesus can define your identity. Choosing faith over fear takes practice. It’s okay to struggle. It's important to set time aside to reflect on who the Lord is and what He has done in our lives - I choose to do this every month with you at payroll time (it forces me to be in the habit) as well as on the 18th of every month when my "Grateful!" notification goes off on my phone. :)

Thanks for humoring me this month with these long lists. I plan to expand upon these points in a blog and maybe eventually in a devotional style book. I hope my words encourage you to set some time aside to reflect upon some lessons you may have learned in recent times, maybe even during this pandemic. If you ask Him to show you, you'll find that His faithfulness is the constant thread weaving together each moment within the tapestry of your life.

tutte le possibilità

Life is full of possibilities. I'm at a point where I feel like the choices that I make today could determine the outcome of my life. But then I remember: "We can make our plans, but the Lord determines our steps." (Proverbs 16:9; NLT)

This life is but a breath. It seems like yesterday that I was a high school student hiding in my walk-in closet to finish my homework after my bedtime. (My parents insisted that I go to bed at 9pm, but I was in all honors classes and did sports after school...not leaving enough time for me to complete by homework by 9pm.) But I graduated from high school over 11 years ago. People keep telling me that I am young and that I have so much life ahead of me. But that is not a guarantee, nor is it an excuse to be frivolous with time. These first 29 years have gone by very quickly, and I don't want to waste a single moment of the rest of my life.

I have so many ideas of what my life could look like: to get married and have a family (including adopting/fostering children); to become an artist; to start a ministry and/or a non-profit organization; to go to graduate school (for what? I still don't know); to teach; to live in Buenos Aires; to write books; etc...I guess that these are not all mutually exclusive, but I probably can't become a doctor and lawyer and teacher all in one lifetime. 

I once came across a quote that really resonated with me from The Bell Jar by Sylvia Plath:

“I saw my life branching out before me like the green fig tree in the story. From the tip of every branch, like a fat purple fig, a wonderful future beckoned and winked. One fig was a husband and a happy home and children, and another fig was a famous poet and another fig was a brilliant professor, and another fig was Ee Gee, the amazing editor, and another fig was Europe and Africa and South America, and another fig was Constantin and Socrates and Attila and a pack of other lovers with queer names and offbeat professions, and another fig was an Olympic lady crew champion, and beyond and above these figs were many more figs I couldn't quite make out. I saw myself sitting in the crotch of this fig tree, starving to death, just because I couldn't make up my mind which of the figs I would choose. I wanted each and every one of them, but choosing one meant losing all the rest, and, as I sat there, unable to decide, the figs began to wrinkle and go black, and, one by one, they plopped to the ground at my feet.”

I don't know what my future might hold, but I am determined to live every moment with purpose and conviction. As I continue to trust God with each moment and each decision, He will direct the course of my life.

May my life bring glory to God. Soli Deo gloria. 

someday...

If you know me or follow me on social media, you have probably figured out that I am passionate about supporting students. I especially cheer on students who are the first in their families to be graduating from high school or college.

I have been SO excited because students have been reaching out to me through Facebook and other means to ask for help in getting ready for college, applying for scholarships, getting more involved in the community, and finding jobs.

I recently spent an hour or so looking for potential local scholarships for a student to apply for. As I read through the descriptions of the scholarships, I started to notice a theme. Many of the scholarships were named in memory of a student who had died before he/she had reached his/her potential. Other scholarships were named after individuals who had dedicated their lives to education.

One of my life goals is to begin a college scholarship fund. (I've already started a high school one without setting out to do it.) I'm obviously passionate about education, but I don't want this to be named after me. This isn't about me at all. I also don't want this to be completed post-humously.

As I was reading through these scholarship funds, I started asking myself, what would be the criteria for my scholarship? I would want it to be available to those who are often overlooked, not at the top of their class. Maybe those who don't have a lot of extracurricular involvement because they are helping support their families.

For now, I don't have the means or the influence to start a scholarship fund. But I will continue to support students and great programs like the Hispanic Development Fund.

One of my favorite things is to read scholarship essays, especially ones that describe a student's story. They inspire me to never give up. Their stories and perseverance give me hope for the future. These students are going to change the world for the better. It has been such a privilege to have helped some of them apply for scholarships and to have helped them sign up for college.

two thousand fifteen

Some goals (in no particular order):

• Revive this blog
• Read at least one book per month (goodreads)
• Do more art
• Finish reading Bible (last year I got more than halfway through the ESV)
• Continue learning French and planning for France trip (April 2016!)
• Teach ESL
• Learn Nepali
• Help my mom launch a blog and youtube channel
• Sundays: family, friends, church. No errands, chores, or work.
• Go to Guatemala for mission trip & vacation (October 2015)
• Make new friends
• Learn how to dance
• Work on personal projects 
• Go on at least one date (any takers? haha)
• Get involved with Young Latino Professionals and Hispanic Chamber of Commerce
• Exercise at least three times per week
• Switch to organic, natural food & other products (makeup, household cleaners, etc.)
• Run at least one race this year