Surrendering my Preferences

As I’ve mentioned before, I often hear God speaking to me through music. The lyrics to "Preference" by Rachel Morley seem to nicely summarize the posture of my heart through this year of attempting to surrender every part of my life:

“What if it doesn’t look like I thought it would?
What if You come in ways I didn’t know You could?
Offend my mind; reveal my heart.
I won’t worship my preference anymore.”

I realize that I may have been missing the way that He’s working in my life because I’m expecting it to look different. The desire of my heart is to have His will for my life in the ways He wants, not the ways I want. Surrender also means laying down my expectations and desires of what the answers to my prayers “should” look like. I must daily remind myself: Your will. Your way. Your timing.

May you end this year with grace. I bless you with open ears and eyes so that you will see how He’s moving in your life, even in the unexpected and unimaginable ways.

Merry Christmas & Happy New Year!

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Official Lyric Video: Preference - Rachel Morley

more thoughts on Surrender

When I went on a personal prayer and planning retreat at the beginning of this year, I felt like the Lord had given me the word “Surrender” for 2021 as a focus. As I’d been reflecting upon John Mark Comer’s The Ruthless Elimination of Hurry, I realized that a huge part of my surrender needed to be finally becoming intentional in observing a weekly Sabbath. This has been a huge learning process for me as I’ve continued fine-tuning what I want that to look like in my life. It’s been hard for me to find the delicate balance of rest, devotion, and delight (three essential elements in my Sabbath practice). I’ve learned to sometimes say no to good things and to also make exceptions to my own Sabbath guidelines.

Recently I realized that I had reached a point of physical and spiritual exhaustion and possibly even burnt out. I’m grateful that the Lord provided an opportunity for me to leave my daily routine here by going to Orange County, California for almost a week. This break was a breath of fresh air for my spirit and helped me discern some of what the Lord has been calling me to in this season – surrendering by saying no to good things in a couple more areas of my life. I reluctantly stepped down from being one of my church’s volunteer youth group leaders – I no longer had the capacity to do this well even though it’s still a huge desire of mine to be involved with the next generation of Jesus followers. I’ve also “pressed pause” in another important area of my life, trusting that He is in control even without my constant striving. Although I’ve always believed that He is sovereign and good, my human nature often desires to take control and to “make things happen.”  

As this year quickly approaches its end, may you create the space needed to reflect upon what He has been teaching you and begin asking what He has for you in the coming year. 

pressing on and asking for help

Things have been hard for me recently. I constantly feel exhausted no matter how many hours I sleep. I’ve been hard on myself, frustrated by the lack of visible improvement in my stamina and productivity. I reached a breaking point when others started pointing this out to me as well. Trying as hard as I could was no longer enough. I realized that I couldn’t do this on my own anymore, so I decided to ask for help.

I started by asking my parents to hold me accountable with how I spend my time. I met with my counselor, who assisted me in coming up with next steps in different areas of my life (work, spiritual, social, health, etc.). I told close friends and mentors that I needed their prayers. The Lord immediately responded by enveloping me with peace and the assurance that I wouldn’t always feel this way; this was just another step in our journey together.

I hope that this encourages you to ask for help and prayers when life gets challenging. This life isn’t easy, but His “yoke is easy and [His] burden is light” (Mt. 11:30). We aren’t created to walk on this journey alone.

mid-year reflection 2021

Every July I remind myself that though the year is half over, there are still six months left that have not yet been lived. After my personal prayer and planning retreat in January, I felt the Lord leading me to focus on “surrender” this year. Probably the biggest way I hoped to surrender was through beginning to intentionally observe a weekly 24-hour Sabbath. I decided to do so Friday evening through Saturday evening and told my parents in order to be held accountable. I realized that I would need to have a lot of grace for myself in this process – it would be a radical change to my lifestyle of overworking and packing my schedule with commitments. This is why I made it clear that I was just TRYING to incorporate Sabbath into my life. I knew there would be some failed attempts and some exceptions made.

As a “recovering perfectionist,” I must remember to aim for progress, not perfection. I’ve definitely made a lot of progress in trusting Him that six days is enough for work, but I admit that some weeks I mostly zone out on my Sabbath. Rest is only part of my intent with the Sabbath; I also desire to delight in Him and spend intentional time in prayer. 

I’m glad that I take this time to evaluate and reflect upon the first six months of the year – it helps me refocus and to determine the adjustments that I’d like to make in order to finish the year well.

I hope that this encourages you to reflect upon your own year and ask Him to help you finish the year well. Please remember to accept the grace that He has for you in the process.

my word for 2021

Last month I had the opportunity to go on a personal prayer & planning retreat, something I try to do at least two times per year. The main goal of my retreat was to reflect upon last year and to ask the Lord for a word/direction for 2021. I believe He told me to focus on “surrender” for this year. To surrender is to trust that His ways are better than mine – it doesn’t take much contemplation for me to know that’s true. It’s also an act of worship. My life is not about me; it’s about bringing Him glory and honor. Instead of allowing myself to become disappointed when circumstances don’t meet my expectations, I’m choosing to trust His will AND say that it is good, even when I don’t understand. I often remind myself to pray: “Your will. Your way. Your timing.” 

One practical way I plan on maintaining an attitude of surrender is through observing a Sabbath, a command that I’ve never taken seriously enough. It’s only been about a month since I’ve started doing this, but I’m already immensely enjoying the benefits of resting and delighting in Him. I used to really struggle with the feeling that I never had enough time to journal my prayers and thoughts during the week. Now I look forward to “catching up” on journaling each Saturday morning (after sleeping in) and then having a whole day with nothing competing for my time with Him.