another Ebenezer

I’ve been excited to share with you that this past August 18th marked seven years since my first brain surgery! I call this date my “surgiversary” (the anniversary of my surgery). My most recent brain MRI was in June and my health care team was pleased with the results, stating that there had been no changes on my scans over the past three years (which is when I had finished my chemotherapy treatment). This means that the plan is for me to continue getting MRIs every six months for the next couple of years, at which point I'll have the choice to get these scans just once a year if I'm comfortable with that.

I’ve long believed that one of my callings in life is to encourage others through sharing my story. This conviction has taken on even more significance as I’ve navigated through these health challenges. On this past surgiversary I posted online the “after” photo of when I was released from the hospital following my first surgery. Then a classmate I went to Georgetown with reached out to me and shared that she’d unexpectedly had a brain tumor removed earlier this year. She was hoping that I’d be able to share resources for healing and rebuilding after brain tumor removal. Although our experiences have not been the same, I’ve been able to share what I’ve found helpful and what I wish I would’ve found out earlier in my recovery journey. The overarching message of what I’ve shared with her and others is that although my recovery journey hasn’t been as smooth or quick as I would’ve hoped, I’m still overwhelmed with gratitude of how far the Lord has carried me and His faithfulness along the way.

I’ll leave you with some lyrics from my *current* favorite worship song, “Just As Good” by Chris Renzema (feat. Ellie Holcomb):

“And I will build an altar
and stack it stone by stone
'cause every Ebeneezer says I've never been alone.
My faith will surely falter
but that [doesn't] change what You've done
'cause every Ebeneezer points to where my help comes from.”

Million Little Miracles

One of my favorite ways that I hear the Lord speak to me is through music, especially worship music. I was recently listening to Old Church Basement, a new album by Maverick City Music & Elevation Worship. I’ve been deeply moved and have cried every time I’ve listened to the song Million Little Miracles – it’s a beautiful, anointed declaration of how much He has done for me (and for each of us). 

Listening to that song reminds me of the choice that we have about how we view and respond to the circumstances in our lives. “There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.” This quote has been attributed to Albert Einstein, and I am taking it out of context for the purpose of this reflection. 

I’ve written quite a bit about my journey of recovery and healing from brain cancer and all the related treatments. I still struggle with fatigue and the ability to sleep well – it would be quite easy for me to focus on those things. But instead I’m choosing to be grateful and to recognize the miracles in my life: the way He gave me the strength to make it through the chemotherapy and radiation treatments without the most common side effect of vomiting; the fact that God made the brain to be neuroplastic (having the ability to adapt to experiences); the way He’s provided more than enough financially for the medical care I need(ed); healing my brother and mother from cancer years earlier as testimonies upon which I could build my faith; I could go on…

I hope that you can also take a moment to reflect upon the Lord’s faithfulness in your life. As the lyrics to Million Little Miracles say, “I hope [we] never get over what [He’s] done.”

My 6th Surgiversary

We've finally made it to the last quarter of the year! Can you believe it? I don't know about you, but some of these past months have seemed to last longer than usual, ha. 

This last month has been full of contemplation and gratitude. On August 18th, I celebrated my 6th “surgiversary;” that is, the 6th anniversary of my first brain surgery. Last year (for my 5th surgiversary), I made a point to return to the hospital and to recreate my photos from when I was released after my surgery in 2014. This year I was content to just take a moment to thank God for how far He has carried me in this journey. It would be impossible for me to describe these six years, so I'll just share some of the things I experienced as well as some of the lessons I've learned.

Some of the things I've experienced: a day that began at the eye doctor for blurry vision and ended in the ER with concern for my brain; 46 staples on my scalp; a spinal tap with a headache that required the follow-up "blood patch" procedure; multiple seizures; eight months needing to ask for rides without being allowed to drive; a trip to Houston for a 2nd medical opinion; an extremely successful GoFundMe campaign; a second surgery; 33 rounds of radiation to the brain; sudden loss of a third of the hair on my head; 18 months of wearing hats every day; 12 months of chemotherapy; 12 weekends spent in bed with chemo exhaustion; and I've lost count of the number of brain MRIs. 

Wow! And that was the short list...

Some lessons I learned: Recovery is messy and not linear; it’s hard work! A good night’s sleep can often completely change your outlook on life. Every morning is a chance to begin again ("His mercies are new every morning..."). Even when everything seems challenging, it’s essential to find reasons to celebrate. We cannot control our circumstances, but we can choose our response to each situation. We are created to live in community. Most people are happy to help; we just need to be willing to ask. While an illness/diagnosis/hardship may tell part of your story, only Jesus can define your identity. Choosing faith over fear takes practice. It’s okay to struggle. It's important to set time aside to reflect on who the Lord is and what He has done in our lives - I choose to do this every month with you at payroll time (it forces me to be in the habit) as well as on the 18th of every month when my "Grateful!" notification goes off on my phone. :)

Thanks for humoring me this month with these long lists. I plan to expand upon these points in a blog and maybe eventually in a devotional style book. I hope my words encourage you to set some time aside to reflect upon some lessons you may have learned in recent times, maybe even during this pandemic. If you ask Him to show you, you'll find that His faithfulness is the constant thread weaving together each moment within the tapestry of your life.

car problems become an opportunity

This last week has been a bit crazy but also very joyful. My car broke down on my way to an appointment, and I found out that it was probably my fault that the engine was no longer good (forgot to get a timely oil change - whooops!). Even though this type of situation just a couple years ago would have propelled me into major stress and some self-deprecating thoughts (I'm so stupid! How could I let this happen?!?), I found myself being grateful. Really. I was so thankful that I was able to exit the freeway immediately to pull over safely when smoke started to pour out of the front of my car. I didn't endanger any other vehicles. I knew exactly what to do - to call my car insurance to request a tow truck. I was in complete peace and noticed God in so many of the details that followed. The insurance company contracted "Almighty Towing" whose logo included an angel named "Towby," haha. This reminded me that He was in control and that everything would work out. The tow truck driver even offered to give me a ride home from the car shop where we left the car. (I almost forgot to mention that I was able to quickly find and buy another great used vehicle, having just enough money set aside in an account, leftover from a fundraiser that a friend had for me several years back. Thanks, God!)

This experience made me realize that I've "grown up" quite a bit in the last several years. "Practice gratitude" has become more than a mantra or saying - it has become my way of life, and He has given me so much more peace through this. This is a good reminder that we become what we practice. If we want to be close to God, we must practice being close in His Word and in prayer. Yes, it takes discipline and doing it even when we're not feeling like it.

Many of you have asked me for updates with my health. At this point, I'm only getting MRIs and following up with my oncologist every four months. I will continue to send updates on my health when I have them. All of my scans up to this point have been "stable," meaning that there are no visible changes or signs of cancer recurrence in the brain. I often get the question of when I'll be considered in remission, which I don't like to answer because it usually makes the other person uncomfortable. The medical community still hasn't found a "cure" for the type of brain cancer that I had, so these patients never get the satisfaction of knowing that they are in remission. So this requires more faith on my end to truly depend on Him and to believe that I've been healed (in Jesus' name!).