more thoughts on Surrender

When I went on a personal prayer and planning retreat at the beginning of this year, I felt like the Lord had given me the word “Surrender” for 2021 as a focus. As I’d been reflecting upon John Mark Comer’s The Ruthless Elimination of Hurry, I realized that a huge part of my surrender needed to be finally becoming intentional in observing a weekly Sabbath. This has been a huge learning process for me as I’ve continued fine-tuning what I want that to look like in my life. It’s been hard for me to find the delicate balance of rest, devotion, and delight (three essential elements in my Sabbath practice). I’ve learned to sometimes say no to good things and to also make exceptions to my own Sabbath guidelines.

Recently I realized that I had reached a point of physical and spiritual exhaustion and possibly even burnt out. I’m grateful that the Lord provided an opportunity for me to leave my daily routine here by going to Orange County, California for almost a week. This break was a breath of fresh air for my spirit and helped me discern some of what the Lord has been calling me to in this season – surrendering by saying no to good things in a couple more areas of my life. I reluctantly stepped down from being one of my church’s volunteer youth group leaders – I no longer had the capacity to do this well even though it’s still a huge desire of mine to be involved with the next generation of Jesus followers. I’ve also “pressed pause” in another important area of my life, trusting that He is in control even without my constant striving. Although I’ve always believed that He is sovereign and good, my human nature often desires to take control and to “make things happen.”  

As this year quickly approaches its end, may you create the space needed to reflect upon what He has been teaching you and begin asking what He has for you in the coming year. 

pressing on and asking for help

Things have been hard for me recently. I constantly feel exhausted no matter how many hours I sleep. I’ve been hard on myself, frustrated by the lack of visible improvement in my stamina and productivity. I reached a breaking point when others started pointing this out to me as well. Trying as hard as I could was no longer enough. I realized that I couldn’t do this on my own anymore, so I decided to ask for help.

I started by asking my parents to hold me accountable with how I spend my time. I met with my counselor, who assisted me in coming up with next steps in different areas of my life (work, spiritual, social, health, etc.). I told close friends and mentors that I needed their prayers. The Lord immediately responded by enveloping me with peace and the assurance that I wouldn’t always feel this way; this was just another step in our journey together.

I hope that this encourages you to ask for help and prayers when life gets challenging. This life isn’t easy, but His “yoke is easy and [His] burden is light” (Mt. 11:30). We aren’t created to walk on this journey alone.

healthy limits

I’ve been feeling a bit overwhelmed this past month and especially this week with everything going on around me in politics, with the pandemic, and with the extreme polarization even within the Church. I’ve learned, the hard way, the importance of setting boundaries of my media consumption, including my social media consumption. That doesn’t always mean to completely eliminate consuming all media. I know that I’ve been blessed to participate in some prayer services through online means. But scrolling through the extreme and often hateful commentary on IG or FB doesn’t benefit me in any way. 

I have to be intentional in how I spend my time during this season. My Father is the One who renews my strength, through my time speaking with Him, in Worship, and in His Word. So while I wait for the presidential election results, I can choose to avoid anxiety and fear by focusing on His truth and character. He is faithful and will give me the strength and grace to make it through whatever comes next, just like He always has. And I’m so grateful for that.

be of good courage

Once we reached the first of October, I became keenly aware of the fact that 75% of the year had already passed. Even though I feel physically and emotionally exhausted from a year full of cancelled plans and unique challenges, I still aim to finish well. I’ve learned that I can’t allow my feelings to define my reality (even though I’m a very feeling-oriented person!); likewise, I can’t allow past discouragements to steal the joy and hope I have for today and for the future. These are learned and intentional shifts in thinking that I’ve had to make. So I urge you to stand with me and to not lose heart. Let us “fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.” (taken from 2 Cor. 4)

May you be of good courage and finish the year strong!

growth

Can you believe it? We're already more than halfway through the year 2020! It's hard for me to grasp that just five months ago, I went on a personal prayer & planning retreat to ask the Lord what He wanted me to focus on this year. I dreamed, made goals, and planned the steps necessary to accomplish these goals.

And then the world changed with COVID-19. Many of the plans that I had made on that retreat were no longer feasible or just didn't make sense anymore. But the focus that the Lord had given me for the year - growth - was starting to make a lot more sense. Would I be able to adapt when circumstances didn't go according to my plans? Did I still trust that Jesus had the best in mind for me? Would I allow Him to stretch me in these challenging times?

As I mentioned in my last post, I signed up for the June session of our intensive three-week church planting training. I'm excited to let you know that – with only a couple minor adjustments – I successfully completed the training! The Lord gave me the stamina to make it through those long days and to show up for those early mornings; this was nothing short of a miracle!

During the storytelling part of the training, we were each challenged to practice a three-minute version of our personal “God story” or testimony. I focused mine around how I’ve seen the Lord’s goodness and faithfulness throughout my journey with brain cancer. The student I shared this with asked if she could film me sharing this to send to her friend H who just recently came to know the Lord and was discouraged in her fight against cancer. I’ve now been in touch with H for a couple of weeks and hope that my experiences can help strengthen her faith. I’m grateful to have had this opportunity to impact someone who I may never meet in person. Isn’t God amazing like that?