another Ebenezer

I’ve been excited to share with you that this past August 18th marked seven years since my first brain surgery! I call this date my “surgiversary” (the anniversary of my surgery). My most recent brain MRI was in June and my health care team was pleased with the results, stating that there had been no changes on my scans over the past three years (which is when I had finished my chemotherapy treatment). This means that the plan is for me to continue getting MRIs every six months for the next couple of years, at which point I'll have the choice to get these scans just once a year if I'm comfortable with that.

I’ve long believed that one of my callings in life is to encourage others through sharing my story. This conviction has taken on even more significance as I’ve navigated through these health challenges. On this past surgiversary I posted online the “after” photo of when I was released from the hospital following my first surgery. Then a classmate I went to Georgetown with reached out to me and shared that she’d unexpectedly had a brain tumor removed earlier this year. She was hoping that I’d be able to share resources for healing and rebuilding after brain tumor removal. Although our experiences have not been the same, I’ve been able to share what I’ve found helpful and what I wish I would’ve found out earlier in my recovery journey. The overarching message of what I’ve shared with her and others is that although my recovery journey hasn’t been as smooth or quick as I would’ve hoped, I’m still overwhelmed with gratitude of how far the Lord has carried me and His faithfulness along the way.

I’ll leave you with some lyrics from my *current* favorite worship song, “Just As Good” by Chris Renzema (feat. Ellie Holcomb):

“And I will build an altar
and stack it stone by stone
'cause every Ebeneezer says I've never been alone.
My faith will surely falter
but that [doesn't] change what You've done
'cause every Ebeneezer points to where my help comes from.”

be of good courage

Once we reached the first of October, I became keenly aware of the fact that 75% of the year had already passed. Even though I feel physically and emotionally exhausted from a year full of cancelled plans and unique challenges, I still aim to finish well. I’ve learned that I can’t allow my feelings to define my reality (even though I’m a very feeling-oriented person!); likewise, I can’t allow past discouragements to steal the joy and hope I have for today and for the future. These are learned and intentional shifts in thinking that I’ve had to make. So I urge you to stand with me and to not lose heart. Let us “fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.” (taken from 2 Cor. 4)

May you be of good courage and finish the year strong!

Don't Forget to Remember

I love listening to music, particularly uplifting music. I recently came across a new song by Ellie Holcomb titled "Don't Forget to Remember" on one of my weekly playlists curated by Spotify (the online audio streaming service/app). The song is written for children (and the adults in their lives) and talks about looking at different aspects of creation as reminders of God's love, goodness, and presence. The lyrics to the song are also the words to a lovely children's book. Ellie Holcomb says that she wrote them to "help [her] own forgetful heart and [her] children’s precious hearts remember what is true."

In the weeks following my discovery of this song, I've often told myself, "Don't forget to remember..." filling in the rest with a truth like "God is good,"  "God is here," or "I'm never alone." As humans, we can be very forgetful, so I think we need to be intentional to remind ourselves of truth. I have lots of encouraging quotes/verses hanging near my desk at work. I also try to acknowledge the beauty of God's creation whenever I can.

I hope that you can take some time in the coming weeks to remind yourself to remember God's faithfulness whether through reading old journal entries, enjoying His creation, or listening to a good song. Check out Ellie Holcomb's book and song online if you're interested. I'll leave you with some of the lyrics:

"And when you catch the snowflakes that fall from the sky
Don't forget to remember you're one of a kind
And after the winter and cold are all through
The flowers remind you God makes all things new"

tutte le possibilità

Life is full of possibilities. I'm at a point where I feel like the choices that I make today could determine the outcome of my life. But then I remember: "We can make our plans, but the Lord determines our steps." (Proverbs 16:9; NLT)

This life is but a breath. It seems like yesterday that I was a high school student hiding in my walk-in closet to finish my homework after my bedtime. (My parents insisted that I go to bed at 9pm, but I was in all honors classes and did sports after school...not leaving enough time for me to complete by homework by 9pm.) But I graduated from high school over 11 years ago. People keep telling me that I am young and that I have so much life ahead of me. But that is not a guarantee, nor is it an excuse to be frivolous with time. These first 29 years have gone by very quickly, and I don't want to waste a single moment of the rest of my life.

I have so many ideas of what my life could look like: to get married and have a family (including adopting/fostering children); to become an artist; to start a ministry and/or a non-profit organization; to go to graduate school (for what? I still don't know); to teach; to live in Buenos Aires; to write books; etc...I guess that these are not all mutually exclusive, but I probably can't become a doctor and lawyer and teacher all in one lifetime. 

I once came across a quote that really resonated with me from The Bell Jar by Sylvia Plath:

“I saw my life branching out before me like the green fig tree in the story. From the tip of every branch, like a fat purple fig, a wonderful future beckoned and winked. One fig was a husband and a happy home and children, and another fig was a famous poet and another fig was a brilliant professor, and another fig was Ee Gee, the amazing editor, and another fig was Europe and Africa and South America, and another fig was Constantin and Socrates and Attila and a pack of other lovers with queer names and offbeat professions, and another fig was an Olympic lady crew champion, and beyond and above these figs were many more figs I couldn't quite make out. I saw myself sitting in the crotch of this fig tree, starving to death, just because I couldn't make up my mind which of the figs I would choose. I wanted each and every one of them, but choosing one meant losing all the rest, and, as I sat there, unable to decide, the figs began to wrinkle and go black, and, one by one, they plopped to the ground at my feet.”

I don't know what my future might hold, but I am determined to live every moment with purpose and conviction. As I continue to trust God with each moment and each decision, He will direct the course of my life.

May my life bring glory to God. Soli Deo gloria. 

"If, in our orthodox Churches, the abiding in Christ, the living union with Him, the experience of His daily and hourly presence and keeping, were preached with the same distinctness and urgency as His atonement and pardon through His blood, I am confident that many would be found to accept with gladness the invitation to such a life, and that its influence would be manifest in their experience of the purity and the power, the love and the joy, the fruit-bearing, and the blessedness which the Savior connected with abiding in Him."

-Andrew Murray, Abide in Christ

"Feelings should inform our actions or emphasize them, not direct or power them. Feelings are like 3-year-olds. It's okay to have them in the car, good or bad, loud or quiet, nice or nasty as dog's breath. JUST DON'T LET THEM DRIVE."

-Michelle Jones

“We see in the homies what they don’t see in themselves, until they do.”

This quote by Mark Torres, S.J., could sum up the book Tattoos on the Heart. I believe that God has blessed me with a similar opportunity to be involved in the lives of youth who are full of creativity and potential and insight. They usually dismiss my compliments, but I hope that they are allowing truth to take root in their hearts, the truth of who God has created them to be and how He looks upon them with so much affection.

Although I don’t agree with all the theology of the book, I would definitely recommend Tattoos on the Heart. The stories are a testament to the transformative power of God’s love. I laughed and cried through each chapter, and I am challenged by the longevity Gregory Boyle’s commitment to the people of East L.A.

"Jesus was not a man for others. He was one with others. There is a world of difference in that. Jesus didn’t seek the rights of lepers. He touched the leper even before he got around to curing him. He didn’t champion the cause of the outcast. He was the outcast. He didn’t fight for improved conditions for the prisoner. He simply said, 'I was in prison.'"

Gregory Boyle (p. 72, Tattoos on the Heart)

"Here is what we seek: a compassion that can stand in awe at what the poor have to carry rather than stand in judgment at how they carry it."

Gregory Boyle (p. 67, Tattoos on the Heart)

“I know now, Lord, why you utter no answer. You are Yourself the answer.”

-C.S. Lewis

"Whatever God creates is exquisitely suited to its end."

-Andrew Murray

[I absolutely LOVE thinking about God exquisitely equipping us to bring Him glory.]

"Cultivate the habit of rejoicing in the assurance that the divine wisdom is guiding you, even where you do not yet see the way."

-Andrew Murray

Remember, dear soul

"Remember, dear soul, how you then were led, contrary to all that your experience, and your feelings, and even your sober judgment said, to take Jesus at His word, and how you were not disappointed. He did receive you, and pardon you; He did love you, and save you—you know it. And if He did this for you when you were an enemy and a stranger, what think you, now that you are His own, will He not much more fulfill His promise?"

-Andrew Murray, Abide in Christ (p. 27)

Lord, let me make a difference for You utterly disproportionate to who I am.

-John Piper

"There is one mission, and it's God's mission. God's mission is God's glory. He has chosen to reveal his glory through the church. Everyone who is a part of God's church is called to spread God's glory. Our mission is the same as God's: his glory in the earth. The question is not 'Are you called?' but 'Where are you called?'"

--Floyd McClung, You See Bones, I See An Army

"Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up."

--Galatians 6:9

“Yet if we are to preach that God is not only involved in the big matters of salvation, redemption and justice, but is also in the routine circumstances of daily life, then we need to show an interest in the ordinary events of people’s lives. People will watch what we do before they listen to what we say.”

-Adam S. McHugh

“When, because of your faith, your life too becomes perceptibly different; when your reactions are quite opposite to what the situation seems to call for and your activities can no longer be explained in terms of your personality; that is when your neighborhood will sit up and take notice. In the eyes of the world, it is not our relationship with Jesus Christ that counts; it is our resemblance to Him!”

—Ray Steadman, The Queen and I
(quoted by Beth Moore in my Esther study)

“Many times God gives us a victory that requires blood, sweat, and tears. Why? Because He is practical. When He can bring about a victory and strengthen and mature us all at the same time, He’s likely to do it!”

--Beth Moore, in David: 90 Days with a Heart Like His

"Sometimes God uses the winds of a new threat to blow the dust off a past miracle that has moved from our active file into the archives. Remember, Beloved! Remember what God has done for you! Rehearse the story again. "

--Beth Moore