ending the year with gratitude

As this year is drawing to a close, I am once again reminded about the importance of practicing gratitude. Thankfulness/gratitude is a recurrent theme in the Word, mentioned 106 times in the Old Testament and 72 times in the New Testament. In fact, it’s one of the few specific things that we’re told is His will for us (1 Thess. 5:16-18). I’ve found that it’s easier for me to be grateful when I write down my prayers in a journal – otherwise, I forget what I’ve asked for and don’t notice His answers!

So, let’s take a moment to reflect upon this year and thank Him for His goodness. 

for nothing is impossible with God

I was recently challenged to step out in faith in the midst of fear. I’d been accepted into a 2-week, 80-hour intensive course (how to coach language learners) that would be taking place away from home. The Lord had prompted me to apply and then He quickly provided the funds. I knew I was supposed to attend the course, but I became terrified when I saw the actual schedule. I didn’t believe that there was any way I’d be able physically survive the two weeks of 12+ hour days! However, someone from my house church encouraged me with something the Lord had told him when he was anxious, “You’re afraid because you’re imagining your future with Me.” This strengthened my resolve and confidence! I didn’t have to be able to do this on my own – if the Lord had called me to it, He would equip me with the energy I needed.

There were some hard moments and I definitely felt pretty tired at times, but the Lord gave me the grace, energy, and sleep that I needed to successfully complete the two weeks! I am overwhelmed with gratitude to have yet another example of His faithfulness in my life. “For nothing is impossible with God. (Luke 1:37)”

pressing on and asking for help

Things have been hard for me recently. I constantly feel exhausted no matter how many hours I sleep. I’ve been hard on myself, frustrated by the lack of visible improvement in my stamina and productivity. I reached a breaking point when others started pointing this out to me as well. Trying as hard as I could was no longer enough. I realized that I couldn’t do this on my own anymore, so I decided to ask for help.

I started by asking my parents to hold me accountable with how I spend my time. I met with my counselor, who assisted me in coming up with next steps in different areas of my life (work, spiritual, social, health, etc.). I told close friends and mentors that I needed their prayers. The Lord immediately responded by enveloping me with peace and the assurance that I wouldn’t always feel this way; this was just another step in our journey together.

I hope that this encourages you to ask for help and prayers when life gets challenging. This life isn’t easy, but His “yoke is easy and [His] burden is light” (Mt. 11:30). We aren’t created to walk on this journey alone.

Spring has sprung

Spring has certainly sprung in Kansas City. In addition to the temperatures finally warming up, spring reminds me of renewal, rebirth, healing, and hope. I often talk about seasons in life. My mom loves gardening and has been excitedly planting bulbs and seeds these past couple of weeks. She understands that these plants start out as small seeds or bulbs and need water, sunshine, and care in order to develop and grow.

I remember that the dormant, empty moments of winter are only a prelude to the spring, making me value and appreciate the spring that much more. And my Papa promises that His purposes will be accomplished – we may not see it now, but we are growing, and He is tending to us. His purposes and promises will be fulfilled. And that gives me hope right now, in whichever circumstances I find myself.

“As the rain and the snow

    come down from heaven,

and do not return to it

    without watering the earth

and making it bud and flourish,

    so that it yields seed for the sower and bread for the eater,

so is my word that goes out from my mouth:

    It will not return to me empty,

but will accomplish what I desire

    and achieve the purpose for which I sent it.”

[Isa. 55:10,11]

May you be encouraged with the hope that He is still working in you and through you in this season. You will soon see the new life that has been germinating under the surface.

be of good courage

Once we reached the first of October, I became keenly aware of the fact that 75% of the year had already passed. Even though I feel physically and emotionally exhausted from a year full of cancelled plans and unique challenges, I still aim to finish well. I’ve learned that I can’t allow my feelings to define my reality (even though I’m a very feeling-oriented person!); likewise, I can’t allow past discouragements to steal the joy and hope I have for today and for the future. These are learned and intentional shifts in thinking that I’ve had to make. So I urge you to stand with me and to not lose heart. Let us “fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.” (taken from 2 Cor. 4)

May you be of good courage and finish the year strong!

some new resources for 2020

Toward the end of last year, I developed some habits that I was excited to incorporate and bring into the new year. I wanted to share them in case you might find any of them helpful in your own life. :)

1) Daily Audio Bible: I've read through the entire Bible at least twice thus far, but I've recently struggled to get back into a Bible reading plan. At some point last fall I came across the Daily Audio Bible podcast by Brian Hardin. Brian has been recording his daily Bible reading for over 14 years. After reading several passages (Old Testament, New Testament, Psalms & Proverbs), Brian expands upon the context and challenges us to apply it to our lives. This is followed by about 10 minutes of prayer (listeners call in with their prayer requests, encouragement, & comments). I love feeling connected with the body of Christ around the world by praying with them and for them. There is also a DAB app available that has the podcast in many languages and with the option journal and to read along with the recordings. I'm so excited to re-incorporate the Bible into my daily routine!

2) Hello Mornings by Kat Lee: This book introduced how to start my morning with a simple three minute routine: God. Plan. Move. I've incorporated the God element by beginning each day by praying a simple verse: "May the morning bring me word of Your unfailing love, for I have put my trust in You. Show me the way that I should go, for to You I entrust my life." (Psalm 143:8). This has helped me begin my days with a surrendered heart, focused on God. It's simple enough that I can do it on a regular basis. I've incorporated the Move (or health) element into my mornings by drinking a large glass of lemon water before I do or eat anything else. I hope to eventually add more to each of these areas, but I like that I've started with something simple & easy to incorporate into a daily routine. 

Checking in during Lent 2019

I have really appreciated the Lenten season thus far. As you may remember, I had given up impulsive shopping/purchases and resorting to watching streaming shows when bored, with the goal of instead turning my attention to God and gratitude. I've found myself wanting to drive to the store and then realizing that I didn't need anything, so I would head home instead. I was surprised that I often felt relief when I realized that I didn't need to waste my time or money in a store. Also, instead of filling my mind with television programming before bed, I've learned to listen to the Word through an app on my phone. I've found this really soothing and restful. As I've been trying to break each of these negative habits, out of frustration I've often responded, "Oh, Jesus, how I need You! I'm so sorry for looking for satisfaction in other places. Thank You for Your sacrifice that I may know You."

I hope that you have been able to reflect on His sacrifice during this Lenten season as well. If not, we still have two weeks to do so!

Lent 2019

During this time of Lent, I've felt God telling me to simplify, to get rid of distractions and to exercise some discipline. I'm sure that I could find a plethora of excuses for some of my behavior, but I know I need to address these specific areas of my life. It seems silly to list them out, but there is significance in naming them. I've found myself impulsively purchasing items that I don't need or "binging" on streaming shows. So I've prayerfully decided to abstain from such purchases or binges during these six weeks in order to exercise gratitude for all that He has given me and to give generously away the items that I no longer need. And instead of mindlessly wasting time watching shows that do not benefit me in any way, I will spend time in His word, which always fills me. 

excerpt from journal [one year ago]

Note: I wrote this journal entry/prayer only three days before I ended up getting "sick" and not being able to function. The Lord had been preparing me for the battle ahead. I'm so grateful for that.

Excerpt from journal
Sunday, June 1st, 2014
7:16am
Buffalo Ridge Retreat Center

The unfolding of your words gives light; it imparts understanding to the simple. -Psalm 119:130

I rise before dawn and cry for help; I hope in your words. My eyes are awake before the watches of the night, that I may medidate on your promise. -Psalm 119:147, 148

Let my cry come before you, O LORD; give me understanding according to your word! -Psalm 119:169

Lord, I commit this summer to You. Have Your way. Have Your way with me, in my life. May I continue to walk in the conviction of Your sacrifice, of the work that You completed for me on the cross. May I continue to experience the freedom of not having to accomplish things. No matter how stressful it gets at work. No matter how I may feel. Don't let me lose this powerful revelation. Instead, please keep speaking this truth over me.

I love Your truth, Your words. They are life to me. For too long I tried to live my life in Your name by my own efforts. But I give in. I choose to be comforted by Your truth. I choose to stop trying to feel good about myself, about my accomplishments. I choose to find my identity in You, not in what my hands can do or make or hold. I'm giving all of myself for all of You. What an unfair exchange. But what a beautiful exchange!

Sometimes I get frustrated with my life, feeling like I've settled for an existence that is rather boring. I struggle to get out of bed in the morning to go do work that should be meaningful. I delay going to sleep at night because it feels like I can momentarily forget the inevitability of repeating the cycle again in the morning.

I admit that I do crave excitement which is harder and harder to find in this culture of overstimulation. But somewhere deep inside me, there is a longing for the simple, the most basic elements of life. I want to be satisfied with less. To find more value in the relational (Jesus & others) and less in the material (everything else).

How can I return to that simple life?

"I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do all this through him who gives me strength."

Philippians 4:12, 13

"Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up."

--Galatians 6:9

delighted to share my life

"We loved you so much that we were delighted to share with you not only the gospel of God but our lives as well, because you had become so dear to us."

--1 Thessalonians 2:8

M, G, and I posing in front of the fashion show sign on Friday

Little Sis and me being silly and indulging in gelato & coffee, respectively

Spending time with these girls is so much more than a commitment, a program, or even an activity. It's sharing my life with them: taking them to watch my brother model in a fashion show, showing her where I worked my first job, buying Cheddar Jalapeño Cheetos every time I go to Price Chopper, looking up college scholarships in my free time...

It's time-consuming, unstructured, and messy. It's learning to put them before myself while remembering that they are still kids. It's taking comfort in the fact that I can only do so much because God can do so much more.

Thank You, Jesus, for the sweet privilege that it is to have a role in these girls' lives. May I not take this responsibility lightly.

if I want to be Your disciple, I must…

—remain in You and Your words in me (John 15:7-8)
—hold to Your teaching (John 8:31)
—love one another as You have loved me (John 13:34-35)
—carry my cross and follow You (Luke 14:27)
—give up everything (Luke 14:33)

adapted from The Lost Art of Disciple Making by LeRoy Eims

"Be at rest once more, O my soul, for the Lord has been good to you."

--Psalm 116:7

"No, this is the kind of fasting I want: Free those who are wrongly imprisoned; lighten the burden of those who work for you. Let the oppressed go free, and remove the chains that bind people. Share your food with the hungry, and give shelter to the homeless. Give clothes to those who need them, and do not hide from relatives who need your help."

Isaiah 58:6-7, NLT