my word for 2021

Last month I had the opportunity to go on a personal prayer & planning retreat, something I try to do at least two times per year. The main goal of my retreat was to reflect upon last year and to ask the Lord for a word/direction for 2021. I believe He told me to focus on “surrender” for this year. To surrender is to trust that His ways are better than mine – it doesn’t take much contemplation for me to know that’s true. It’s also an act of worship. My life is not about me; it’s about bringing Him glory and honor. Instead of allowing myself to become disappointed when circumstances don’t meet my expectations, I’m choosing to trust His will AND say that it is good, even when I don’t understand. I often remind myself to pray: “Your will. Your way. Your timing.” 

One practical way I plan on maintaining an attitude of surrender is through observing a Sabbath, a command that I’ve never taken seriously enough. It’s only been about a month since I’ve started doing this, but I’m already immensely enjoying the benefits of resting and delighting in Him. I used to really struggle with the feeling that I never had enough time to journal my prayers and thoughts during the week. Now I look forward to “catching up” on journaling each Saturday morning (after sleeping in) and then having a whole day with nothing competing for my time with Him.

our story is unfolding

Over the past few years I've come to really love thinking of my life in terms of seasons or chapters. This has helped me to have hope during the hard times, knowing that that particular season wouldn't last forever. I've also learned to take a step back to reflect on what the Lord has already done in previous times of my life to give me confidence for the future, which is why I'm constantly encouraging others to journal as a spiritual discipline. And just like any novel with an exciting plot, no detail included in our lives is wasted. Our Lord redeems every low point, disappointment, mistake, and tragedy. Nothing is wasted in His hands. 

I recently heard a song that reminded me to take a step back and have hope for this year and for the future: "As long as You're in it, the story's not finished. I know You've overcome, so I know I'll overcome." [Breakthrough Miracle Power by Passion] I hope that this encourages you to keep going - your story isn't finished yet!

servant leadership - in admiration of my parents

 “Your life is not your own – You were bought with a price!” These are the words my father said to me as a baby. For as long as I can remember, my parents have instilled in me the importance of living with purpose beyond myself, just as Jesus Himself did on earth. They have shown me that following Jesus means giving generously and sacrificially in service to others. As missionaries in Amsterdam, they did this by learning the Dutch language and sharing their lives with the people they’d come to reach with the Gospel. 

Although my parents eventually transitioned off the mission field, they haven’t stopped being involved in the missional heart of God, serving in the spheres of culture as He leads, including marketplace, government, and education, recognizing it’s about faithfulness to Him and His call. Their continued engagement in missions included the generous partnership with missionaries in both prayer and finances. And, my dad just finished serving his tenth year as the Chairman of the All Nations KC Hub Board of Directors. Although his commitment to the ANKC board was not supposed to be for this long, my dad prayerfully agreed to continue serving as the board chair to ensure a smooth transition for new leadership. 

My mother has modeled her servant heart through her radical obedience to Christ and through putting our family’s needs before her own. She grew up in Mexico, the youngest of 15 children. She was the only one of her siblings who married someone from a different culture (my father being from the US) and left her home continent to become a missionary in Europe. Now that I’m an adult, I’m finally beginning to realize all that my mom sacrificed through being obedient to the Lord’s call on her life – material possessions, understanding the local language, having her family geographically close (no FaceTime in the 1980’s!). She gave birth to all three of her children in that foreign land without the advantage of having her mother or older sisters nearby. She consistently encouraged my father to follow the Lord’s calling for our family. She has been one of the most selfless women that I know – always putting others before herself, especially our family. And she has done this all willingly and joyfully!

By the very nature of focusing on others, we become servants. This is counter-cultural in today’s self-oriented society that thrives on individualism and instant gratification. But Jesus showed us a different way. In His revolutionary Kingdom, the last are first and the Master washes His servants’ feet. He never hesitated to meet the needs of those who stopped Him in the streets. He calls us to do the same. I’m so grateful that my parents have shown me how beautiful servant leadership can look in the context of family and missions.

Looking back on 2020

When I think of 2020, I think of fear, polarization, isolation, restrictions, masks, lockdowns, cancelled plans….and the goodness of Our God. This past year has shown us that if our confidence is in anything but Him, our foundation will crumble when the world around us falls apart. Why would any of us want that? I’ll leave you with the words of the writer of Hebrews (12:28): “Therefore, since we are receiving a kingdom that cannot be shaken, let us be thankful, and so worship God acceptably with reverence and awe.” 

I hope that you and your loved ones enjoy a restful Christmas.

healthy limits

I’ve been feeling a bit overwhelmed this past month and especially this week with everything going on around me in politics, with the pandemic, and with the extreme polarization even within the Church. I’ve learned, the hard way, the importance of setting boundaries of my media consumption, including my social media consumption. That doesn’t always mean to completely eliminate consuming all media. I know that I’ve been blessed to participate in some prayer services through online means. But scrolling through the extreme and often hateful commentary on IG or FB doesn’t benefit me in any way. 

I have to be intentional in how I spend my time during this season. My Father is the One who renews my strength, through my time speaking with Him, in Worship, and in His Word. So while I wait for the presidential election results, I can choose to avoid anxiety and fear by focusing on His truth and character. He is faithful and will give me the strength and grace to make it through whatever comes next, just like He always has. And I’m so grateful for that.

be of good courage

Once we reached the first of October, I became keenly aware of the fact that 75% of the year had already passed. Even though I feel physically and emotionally exhausted from a year full of cancelled plans and unique challenges, I still aim to finish well. I’ve learned that I can’t allow my feelings to define my reality (even though I’m a very feeling-oriented person!); likewise, I can’t allow past discouragements to steal the joy and hope I have for today and for the future. These are learned and intentional shifts in thinking that I’ve had to make. So I urge you to stand with me and to not lose heart. Let us “fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.” (taken from 2 Cor. 4)

May you be of good courage and finish the year strong!

My 6th Surgiversary

We've finally made it to the last quarter of the year! Can you believe it? I don't know about you, but some of these past months have seemed to last longer than usual, ha. 

This last month has been full of contemplation and gratitude. On August 18th, I celebrated my 6th “surgiversary;” that is, the 6th anniversary of my first brain surgery. Last year (for my 5th surgiversary), I made a point to return to the hospital and to recreate my photos from when I was released after my surgery in 2014. This year I was content to just take a moment to thank God for how far He has carried me in this journey. It would be impossible for me to describe these six years, so I'll just share some of the things I experienced as well as some of the lessons I've learned.

Some of the things I've experienced: a day that began at the eye doctor for blurry vision and ended in the ER with concern for my brain; 46 staples on my scalp; a spinal tap with a headache that required the follow-up "blood patch" procedure; multiple seizures; eight months needing to ask for rides without being allowed to drive; a trip to Houston for a 2nd medical opinion; an extremely successful GoFundMe campaign; a second surgery; 33 rounds of radiation to the brain; sudden loss of a third of the hair on my head; 18 months of wearing hats every day; 12 months of chemotherapy; 12 weekends spent in bed with chemo exhaustion; and I've lost count of the number of brain MRIs. 

Wow! And that was the short list...

Some lessons I learned: Recovery is messy and not linear; it’s hard work! A good night’s sleep can often completely change your outlook on life. Every morning is a chance to begin again ("His mercies are new every morning..."). Even when everything seems challenging, it’s essential to find reasons to celebrate. We cannot control our circumstances, but we can choose our response to each situation. We are created to live in community. Most people are happy to help; we just need to be willing to ask. While an illness/diagnosis/hardship may tell part of your story, only Jesus can define your identity. Choosing faith over fear takes practice. It’s okay to struggle. It's important to set time aside to reflect on who the Lord is and what He has done in our lives - I choose to do this every month with you at payroll time (it forces me to be in the habit) as well as on the 18th of every month when my "Grateful!" notification goes off on my phone. :)

Thanks for humoring me this month with these long lists. I plan to expand upon these points in a blog and maybe eventually in a devotional style book. I hope my words encourage you to set some time aside to reflect upon some lessons you may have learned in recent times, maybe even during this pandemic. If you ask Him to show you, you'll find that His faithfulness is the constant thread weaving together each moment within the tapestry of your life.

a much needed retreat and book

This past weekend I had the privilege of going on another personal prayer retreat. My main goal on this retreat was to rest and "go off the grid" (that is, to turn off my phone). A friend had just recommended The Ruthless Elimination of Hurry by John Mark Comer, which ended up being the perfect book to remind me of the power of disconnecting from technology and slowing down the pace of my life. The author started his own journey after hearing Dallas Willard's response to the question of what was necessary in order to grow spiritually: "Hurry is the great enemy of spiritual life in our day. You must ruthlessly eliminate hurry from your life." This rang true for me on my retreat as I was finally able to rest without the barrage of bad news streaming in and endless notifications going off on my phone.

In the silence and solitude (one of the four main areas discussed in the book) of my solo retreat, I was able to focus enough to read two entire books as well as to spend dedicated time to journaling some of my prayers; both of those things are challenging for me at home as I feel inundated with distractions. The author also encourages us to further explore Sabbath, Simplicity, and Slowing. I asked the Lord how I could practically apply some of the ideas presented in the book. In my journal, I wrote down some small changes that I'd like to make in each of these respective areas. 

I would highly recommend the book to anyone who is living a "hurried" life and would like an easy read with some great inspiration and practical tips of where to start. I didn't mean for my reflection to turn into a book review, but these are still the things that I'm processing. I look forward to seeing how I'm able to integrate some of these changes into my lifestyle in the coming months.

growth

Can you believe it? We're already more than halfway through the year 2020! It's hard for me to grasp that just five months ago, I went on a personal prayer & planning retreat to ask the Lord what He wanted me to focus on this year. I dreamed, made goals, and planned the steps necessary to accomplish these goals.

And then the world changed with COVID-19. Many of the plans that I had made on that retreat were no longer feasible or just didn't make sense anymore. But the focus that the Lord had given me for the year - growth - was starting to make a lot more sense. Would I be able to adapt when circumstances didn't go according to my plans? Did I still trust that Jesus had the best in mind for me? Would I allow Him to stretch me in these challenging times?

As I mentioned in my last post, I signed up for the June session of our intensive three-week church planting training. I'm excited to let you know that – with only a couple minor adjustments – I successfully completed the training! The Lord gave me the stamina to make it through those long days and to show up for those early mornings; this was nothing short of a miracle!

During the storytelling part of the training, we were each challenged to practice a three-minute version of our personal “God story” or testimony. I focused mine around how I’ve seen the Lord’s goodness and faithfulness throughout my journey with brain cancer. The student I shared this with asked if she could film me sharing this to send to her friend H who just recently came to know the Lord and was discouraged in her fight against cancer. I’ve now been in touch with H for a couple of weeks and hope that my experiences can help strengthen her faith. I’m grateful to have had this opportunity to impact someone who I may never meet in person. Isn’t God amazing like that?

courage in the face of fear

The past few months in my life have been characterized by an interesting combination of obstacles and opportunities. The local stay-at-home mandate found me working from home and missing the structure and routine of driving into the office everyday. Even though I lean strongly toward the introverted end of the scale, I started to miss my weekly gatherings with my church family and the wonderful hugs we exchanged to greet each other. Even though I believed (and still believe) that Jesus has healed me completely of brain cancer, I started to feel some fear creep in regarding my immune system's ability to fight off COVID-19 - how careful did I need to be? Was I part of the "vulnerable" population?

As my time of working remotely from home is quickly nearing the end, I'm realizing I've experienced many milestones during this time. After four years of being on staff here at All Nations Kansas City, I finally signed up for our three-week intensive church planting training (CPx) that our hub is holding June 7-June 27. I had never signed up before because I was afraid that the time commitment would be too much for me, as I have struggled with stamina and energy levels since radiation and chemotherapy at the end of 2017. Please pray for all the students and me during this training!

This past week I went in for my periodic brain MRI (which I had postponed by over a month due to my concerns about being at a health clinic at the height of COVID-19). My oncologist was pleased with the results, that there had been no changes on my scans for over two years (which was when I finished my chemotherapy treatment). This means that the plan is for me to continue getting MRIs every six months for the next few years, at which point I'll be able to elect to get them just once a year. These two milestones involved me doing something new, even though I was scared and, in some cases, terrified. Scared of failure, rejection, bad news. I think that this is a bit what courage looks like - acknowledging fears and stepping out in faith anyway.

unique opportunities during Covid-19

I hope that this finds you hanging in there. Kansas City is slowly opening up different parts of the city while still encouraging social distancing and wearing masks. What an interesting journey this has been!

In the midst of this challenging time, I've noticed some unique opportunities. I'm one of the volunteer leaders for my church's youth group. Every other week we've been meeting with just the girls over Zoom (online video conferencing program). During our last girls' group meeting, only one girl (K) showed up, so the three of us female leaders got to focus solely on her. This was especially significant because K had been going through an unusually difficult time with her family. We told K that God wanted to show her how special she is and how loved she is through us spending the entire evening with her. We wouldn't have had this opportunity if we had been meeting in person because of the way our group had been split up into smaller groups when we were still meeting in person earlier this year.

peace in the midst of uncertainty

I hope this finds you hanging in there. These are definitely strange times that we're living in. In Kansas City, we have a stay-at-home mandate, so we're all working from home and avoiding unnecessary social interaction.

I know that this is a sensitive time, so I'm not going to share much this month. I will just simply say that in times of uncertainty like this one, I find peace by choosing to remember and focus on God's faithfulness. I do this by reflecting on His goodness in my life and seeing that evidence of His character in His Word. May you also find that "peace that transcends all understanding" in this precarious time. Please don't hesitate to reach out to me if you want to talk or would like some extra support.

Don't Forget to Remember

I love listening to music, particularly uplifting music. I recently came across a new song by Ellie Holcomb titled "Don't Forget to Remember" on one of my weekly playlists curated by Spotify (the online audio streaming service/app). The song is written for children (and the adults in their lives) and talks about looking at different aspects of creation as reminders of God's love, goodness, and presence. The lyrics to the song are also the words to a lovely children's book. Ellie Holcomb says that she wrote them to "help [her] own forgetful heart and [her] children’s precious hearts remember what is true."

In the weeks following my discovery of this song, I've often told myself, "Don't forget to remember..." filling in the rest with a truth like "God is good,"  "God is here," or "I'm never alone." As humans, we can be very forgetful, so I think we need to be intentional to remind ourselves of truth. I have lots of encouraging quotes/verses hanging near my desk at work. I also try to acknowledge the beauty of God's creation whenever I can.

I hope that you can take some time in the coming weeks to remind yourself to remember God's faithfulness whether through reading old journal entries, enjoying His creation, or listening to a good song. Check out Ellie Holcomb's book and song online if you're interested. I'll leave you with some of the lyrics:

"And when you catch the snowflakes that fall from the sky
Don't forget to remember you're one of a kind
And after the winter and cold are all through
The flowers remind you God makes all things new"

a quick update/letter to my brothers and sisters in Christ

I had the privilege of starting the year 2020 on the lovely beaches of Puerto Vallarta, Mexico as a part of the family reunion for my mom's side of the family. This was a really special gathering of the 15 siblings (my mom is the youngest) and their respective families. Our last reunion had been in December 2009, so this gathering was long overdue! It was wonderful to see family who live in MX who I hadn't seen since the last reunion. I even met a few of my youngest first cousins for the first time. There were 103 of us at the reunion - this isn't even the whole family!

To be honest, I don't know everyone on my mom's side of the family (so many family members in remote parts of Mexico). This has made me reflect upon the even bigger Kingdom family that you and I are a part of. I haven't had the pleasure of meeting all of you, but I want you to know that I am so grateful that you are a part of my global family. I am thankful for you and for the lives you are impacting, in your home and in your communities. So, may you begin this new year and decade knowing that you are loved and appreciated by me and especially by Him who created you.

some new resources for 2020

Toward the end of last year, I developed some habits that I was excited to incorporate and bring into the new year. I wanted to share them in case you might find any of them helpful in your own life. :)

1) Daily Audio Bible: I've read through the entire Bible at least twice thus far, but I've recently struggled to get back into a Bible reading plan. At some point last fall I came across the Daily Audio Bible podcast by Brian Hardin. Brian has been recording his daily Bible reading for over 14 years. After reading several passages (Old Testament, New Testament, Psalms & Proverbs), Brian expands upon the context and challenges us to apply it to our lives. This is followed by about 10 minutes of prayer (listeners call in with their prayer requests, encouragement, & comments). I love feeling connected with the body of Christ around the world by praying with them and for them. There is also a DAB app available that has the podcast in many languages and with the option journal and to read along with the recordings. I'm so excited to re-incorporate the Bible into my daily routine!

2) Hello Mornings by Kat Lee: This book introduced how to start my morning with a simple three minute routine: God. Plan. Move. I've incorporated the God element by beginning each day by praying a simple verse: "May the morning bring me word of Your unfailing love, for I have put my trust in You. Show me the way that I should go, for to You I entrust my life." (Psalm 143:8). This has helped me begin my days with a surrendered heart, focused on God. It's simple enough that I can do it on a regular basis. I've incorporated the Move (or health) element into my mornings by drinking a large glass of lemon water before I do or eat anything else. I hope to eventually add more to each of these areas, but I like that I've started with something simple & easy to incorporate into a daily routine.